L.A survival tips

Don’t make eye contact with anyone carting a shopping trolley when you know there is no supermarket within a one kilometre radius… Actually just don’t make eye contact in general.

Don’t pick the pomegranates from your neighbour’s front yard, he’s sitting on a chair in the far left corner eye-balling you.

Get accommodation as far away as is logically possible from Hollywood Boulevard. Do a day-trip there, return to aforementioned accommodation and cry yourself to sleep whispering, ‘the horror, the horror’ in your best Marlon Brando voice.

Buy some oversized vintage sunglasses and give everyone shade, including your eyeballs. This is also an effective defence mechanism in avoiding direct eye contact.

Shop organic.

Develop a stronger immune system by using the bathrooms at Union Station. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Buy/pack a MacBook, sit in a cafe and lose yourself to the internets. All the cool kids are doing it.

Use Australian colloqualisms so people can’t understand you. Everyone will be confused but mildly entertained.

Real blog coming soon, for reals.

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