I’m torn between the desire to write a blog and the knowledge that I should really kick-on with my homework, which has the nasty habit of piling up.
I guess the blog is winning.
This week is a bit of a blur. My weekend started off with the spreading of my nans ashes. It was a strange moment, I wish I’d been given some of the ashes to spread when I felt comfortable so that I could have done it alone. Instead, I found myself huddled awkwardly with my extended family as the guy that worked at the cemetery talked about how countless ashes had been spread where we were about to spread nans…’I couldn’t even tell you how many’ he said as he turned the dirt over and revealed the ashes of countless others, all mixed together…it made me feel disturbed, angry and a little sick.
I really didn’t want Nan to end up there, intermingled with the ashes of strangers. If anything, I would have loved to of just thrown her ashes to the wind, or found somewhere where we had shared a memory and placed them there, but when someone makes a specific request- you have to honour it..
Death and all things related makes you really think about how you want to be remembered, spread or buried.
I have no idea how I want to be remembered, but I know that I’d like to be cremated and a portion of my ashes given to those who matter to me most. I like to think that by that stage in my life I would have left behind some family of my own who will get comfort from being given this responsibility.
I think that’s what really got to me on Saturday. I felt like I was disrespecting one of the people who matter to me most.
So that was Saturday.
And then there was Monday- my great Aunt’s funeral (my nans sister). It was unlike any funeral I’ve ever been to, but it was obviously a great comfort to that part of my family and it was nice to see that they were all so close and comfortable to be themselves. Howling and all.
Man, life is bizarre.
It’s so long! But at the same time so fleeting.
Sometimes it is just shit, and other times I wouldn’t trade the experiences I have had for anything in the world.
It’s up, it’s down. It’s bliss, it’s depression.
All of these words have been created by people who were alive.
Makes you think….